The Chris Casey Experience

Hidey ho, good Interneighbors. I’m doing some bloggin’ on the sly using the new Windows Live Writer, don’t mind me, just hanging out, ho hum.

So how about those politics today, huh? Man, it’s like you can’t swing a cat without hitting someone who hates the very concept of swinging cats. I’ve heard the following things recently, spoken by people who are, beyond all reason, apparently 100% serious:

“It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” (Lesbian alternative: “… not Madam and Eve.” Zombie alternative: “… not Adam and Brraaaainsss.”)

“If they came up with a National Association for the Advancement of White People, boy people would be screaming about it!” (Ahem … the Klan? Freemasons? Late-night network TV?)

“There’s no way the world is more than 6,000 years old. Carbon dating has problems.”

“Global warming? Then why is it getting cold outside?” (universally said with a punchably smug look on the face)

“God created the banana just for us! It’s a no-slip grip that fits perfectly in the human hand! No way could that evolve entirely by chance!” (Said nearly verbatim by, of all people, Kirk Cameron. Yes. Really.)

Okay, now, look. People, please, for the love of Pete and Pete, please stop listening to pundits, advertisers, political cartoonists, or entertainers for anything other than entertainment. They don’t know any more about the problems of the world and how to solve them than you do. They’re not religious or political prodigies or pure-born philosopher-kings. They’re people with nice faces or voices who get paid to tell you either what you want to hear or to paint their opposition as evil monstrous baby-mauling boogeymen. YOU ARE IN DANGER they cry, THE WORLD IS FALLING APART, THE CHRISTIAN AMERICA YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW IS SOON LOST FOREVER. REPENT NOW LEST YE BECOME GODLESS COMMUNISTS, YEA, EVEN UNTO THE SEVENTH GENERATION. In truth, the “mythical America” they paint only existed in an ignorant bubble surrounded by crying people of other ethnicities.

Which leads me to my next point: White people in America are NOT OPPRESSED MINORITIES AND ARE IN NO DANGER OF EVER BECOMING ONE. SHUT YOUR STUPID DAMN FACE AND SIT YOUR LILY-WHITE PUSTULENT ASS DOWN. Even if we lose the greater percentage over a few dozen years, we still pretty much own the economy. We commonly live in a type of luxury unknown even to kings a couple hundred years ago. We are so high on the hog nobody else even knows what bacon smells like. Do you know why there’s a NAACP? Because without one, rich white people would still be dropping deuces on other races from the top of the Empire State Building. In fact, they’re still doing it even now, just not quite as much and at least having the good sense to seem contrite when their victims get mad about it.

Third: Hey you know what’s no longer hilarious? Photoshop! (Actually that’s not true, Photoshop is always hilarious. But the Internet got over putting Hitler moustaches on people years ago. And putting people in Joker makeup without any context is just weird. If you’re trying to be funny, at least try to be funny.)

Fourth: Did you know Jesus helped people no matter what sort of situation they were in or what sort of past they had? He even said that rich people have a heck of a time getting into Heaven, and that no matter how much money we make down here, it will be useless in the Kingdom. I know, how anti-capitalist. (Also, guess what He said about homosexuality. Here’s a hint: “”)

Sorry, I hate to rant, but I had to get all this off my chest. It’s been a weird few weeks pundit-wise and it’s just getting worse. And for the record, what the hell, let Rush buy the Rams. Five hundred years from now everyone involved will be dust and nobody living will give a rat’s ass. May as well let him reduce a number which we pretend means “worth” to do something temporarily distracting. He built that number up the same way.

Hey everybody, Chris is updating again!

Hey everybody, Chris thinks anyone gives two poops in a thunderstorm that he’s updating again!

Whatever. Facebook is fun and all but THIS … this is MY URI and you dinkleheads can never take that away from me without a court order or a DDoS attack or, I dunno, by navigating away to disney.com and deleting your bookmark.

Hey everybody, Chris thinks people have his site bookmarked!

Meh. I’m paying for the webspace, might as well rule it like the tinpot dictator I am. I hereby declare that every day will be the first day of Spring. Narf.

Oh, I’m not gonna shut down. Spammers are still stupid, but who cares. I don’t usually go off like that. Sorry, internet, it won’t happen again. :hanging head:

Oh fr the love of Pete. Now I’m getting autospammed with advertising masquerading as comments on my posts even though I have comments turned off. I just deleted over 3000 of them! What do you jackals want from me? How do you even DO that?!

I’m this close to just shutting down this freakin’ blog as a bad idea. It’s hardly worth it when BOTS are the greatest contributors to your site. I’ve already had to shut down two message boards because they were getting spammed to hell. There are some popular wikis that are having to shut down because the bots are destroying them.

What a utopia the Internet has become. Free shit for everybody. Hooray.

I seem to be a link mule. Wonder how that happened. Guess I need to upgrade my blog engine and get rid of that crap.

It’s pretty pitiful that this happened. Especially since I get almost zero traffic. Ha ha spam jerks! You wasted your time defacing a site nobody reads!

This is becoming something of a habit. I suppose that’s the point of blogging but it seems to have taken about 12 years to sink in.

I ran into an old high school friend today. He recognized me first, which is always embarassing. The Nintendo Brain Training commercials are true, every last one of them.

So we had lunch and caught up and to be honest we’re boring adults now. He has two kids and a support desk job and a Rush addiction (the band not the idiot). I discussed being a webmaster and how crazy my job is. In the end we agreed to pretend to think about calling each other in the indeterminate future.

So hey aren’t you glad I’m blogging about all this? I lived it and you get to read about it. Whoo-freakin’-pee.

I seem to be getting good with this Blackberry typing thing, but having unlimited Internet access and an easy phone keyboard seems to be messing with my head. For instance, I picked up a Twitter account with the intention of giving it a shot, but seriously, who gives half a rat’s buttocks what I do all day?

This is the allure of the Interblogospheroweb, I suppose. Suddenly we’re all celebrities. Well, forget it, I reject the notion of instant fame just because I own a URL and know how to type with my thumbs on a Chiclet keyboard. Do you hear me, Internet? I’m dull and ordinary and nothing you can do will change that!

If you feel the same as I do, please give generously to my Paypal tip jar so I may continue blogging about my unique philosophy of life. Being average is a lot harder than it looks, you know.

Hey campers! Welcome to a new year. Another year older and deeper in debt. Oh Lawd don’t call me etc.

But it’s not all plodding in a creeping pace from day to day, measuring out my life in coffeespoons. I have … drumroll please … wait for it … a new phone.

Okay so who cares whatever. But this thing is pretty neato. My wife and I both got Blackberries, so I have an actual keyboard to thumblog with or whatever you kids are calling it nowadays. It’s almost as fast as typing and my errors are few, surprising since I have such blunt thumbs. A few more weeks and I think I’ll be zipping along at near keyboard speeds. Internet beware.

Whee-hee! Now apparently spammers are sending mass emails spoofing my URL as the return address. There’s also been a big upswing in the spam I’m receiving. Just today, from midnight to about 11 a.m. here, I’ve gotten over 400 spam mails. Luckily the Exchange spam filter picks up most of it, and there’s a spam filter on my server too. Still, that’s some pretty impressive idiocy at work there.

I dunno if this is related at all to my previous post. I wouldn’t put it past some pimply-faced pocket surfer to get a wild hair and screw around with some crotchety old bald guy for no good reason. Or maybe it’s just the luck of the draw. Or maybe every site on the Internet has this same problem. Who cares, it’s fun!

So anyway, I’m off to go get some “miracle meds for my penis” because apparently “she’s bored in bed.” It’s about damn time I finally “won in the bedroom.” I never win anything. But more importantly I need to make “MEGADICK a reality.” I mean c’mon. MEGADICK! :rock:

I just deleted over 50 spam messages which were left as comments for my little blog here. FIFTY! While I’m flattered to think that they believe anyone actually reads this tripe, it’s alarming on a whole nother level. These right here are prime examples of people who JUST DON’T GET IT, and yet they try, oh so hard it just makes their tiny little hearts go pitter patter, to get their little V!@GRA and BI66ER PEN15 messages out to the world at large.

 Actually, malformed/misspelled titles like that are old hat. Now spam tries to sneak under the radar like a mysterious message from the Orient. “Marcia: Responding to your query,” the title goes, and people immediately begin to wonder: What query? I am indeed a big clueless sack of crap sometimes, and I take pride in making that painfully obvious everywhere I go on the Interweb, but I don’t remember asking any questions of someone called “Marcia.” Who is Marcia? Do I even know a Marcia? Could I have a secret admirer named Marcia? Maybe someone pretty, with honey-colored hair and a tendency to wear waistless 70s-era dresses? That chick was sure hot on L.A. Law. OH LORD I HAVE TO KNOW WHO THIS IS MUST CLICK EMAIL MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA RAARGH and that’s how they get you to buy into yet another can’t-miss penny stock scheme.

As incredibly stupid as spamming is, even more disheartening is that it must work sometimes, at least enough to sustain itself. I suppose in a population of several million you’d probably find a healthy percentage of people who were just wondering how to have one of them four-hour erections they were just talking about in that commercial on Sally Jesse. Damn, four hours, that’d be a hoot. Hang your coat on it, maybe teach the dog to do some chin-ups. That’ll slay ’em down at the Moose Lodge next Wednesday.

I know spammers don’t actually read the blogs they deface, but what the hell, I have to get this off my chest: If the business you’re in has a multi-billion-dollar industry dedicated entirely to stopping you from doing something, then maybe you should consider the possibility to, oh, I dunno, STOP DOING IT. Yeah sure it’s fun to do things that other people don’t want you to do, especially if you’re a zit-ridden 12-year-old whose potential lifetime experience of being inside a woman ended 12 years ago. If you get my drift. But c’mon, some of us just want to hang out. now I know that some people hate you and you get off on that because AT LAST YOU ARE FEARED BY THE WORLD AND YOU WILL MAKE THEM ALL PAY AAHAHAHAHA. Seriously, though, I know Laurie didn’t let you put your hand under her blouse that one time at summer camp, but you can’t blame the entire world for that. Most of us are just folks. You’re being feared and hated by ordinary people. We’re not multi-billionaires or people who have any say in the society you think has abandoned you. Those guys could give a rat’s ass. In fact, you’re putting money in their pockets by forcing the rest of us to pay for anti-spam services. Is that your goal, to sow tiny little seeds of chaos that will ultimately be stamped out and you’ll have nothing to show for it except the lingering disgust of people who would otherwise have been your friends? This is your life and you’re spending it being a dumb little snotnosed butthead instead of actually trying to make things work out for yourself.

Aah, forget it. I’ve depressed myself thinking about how some of these kids would respond to my tirade. I know, I would have said the same thing when I was younger. Now I’m just tired. I won’t even end on a joke. G’night, folks.