Pocket TTRPG Roundup: Attention Span Games Spotlight, Part 2
The second of three reviews of pocket games from the same publisher. See Part 1 for info about the gameplay, and maybe stay for the review. If you dare.
Laser Metal
Writer: Ron Leota
Year: 2015
Dimensions: 6¼” x 4″ x ¼”
Metalheads: 2+
Term for GM: Metal Master
Term for PC: PC (how disappointing)
Page count: 116
“Laser” count: 72
“Metal” count: 252
Comparable media: Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Judge Dredd (1995), KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park
Millennia ago, humanity left a dying Earth to colonize other planets, including the small barren planet of Brutalia. Life on Brutalia was, to coin a phrase, brutal. Humans scrabbling out a life there built fortified cities and skirmished with each other to increase their pieces of the pie. One of these city-states built a giant orbital laser and threatened its neighbors with it. The other city-states didn’t care for this and tried to invade. Half the planet was scorched in the aftermath, and the surviving cities made ready to go to war and finish off the rest of it.
However! A metal band called The Saints of Thrash foresaw that the world was about to end, bought a tract of empty land, hired a bunch of science types who were tired of making WMDs, and built a gigantic dome. When the final war did finally happen, this dome, later known as Arena 66, was about the only thing on the planet that survived.
Then they discovered … The Metal (squealing guitar riff). Somehow, living on the planet Brutalia was changing humanity, giving them powers like telekinesis, raising the dead, shooting lightning from their hands, and otherwise twisting reality. Not everyone can use The Metal, but those who can are practically superheroes. Or at least super-metalheads.
Now, 20 years after the apocalypse, people are emerging from Arena 66 and learning what’s going on out there in the wastelands of Brutalia. Nothing good, generally speaking. But people go out there anyway, mostly to train their combat skills for the biennial Laser Metal Tournament, a literal battle of the bands, to win the right to rule Arena 66 and ride eternal, shiny and chr — whoops, wrong franchise. The players are assumed to be members of one such band, building up life experience to take on the Tournament themselves.
The next chapter describes the Laser Metal Classes: Doom Wailer (screaming bard with a connection to The Metal), Fat Bottom (tank, almost literally), Gun Witch (sneaky gun-fu fighter), Order of Metal Monk (Jedi wielding the power of The Metal, complete with laser swords), and Shred Master (master of destruction, and also pilot for some reason). The Classes are compatible with DnDizzle, in case you wanted to muddle your metal sci-fi with hip-hop fantasy.
Several powers from The Metal are then enumerated, allowing characters to put enemies to sleep, turn blood to ink, steal the life force from everyone around them, and tear open a hole in the sky and rain down hellfire. You know, Tuesday.
Next come lists of equipment, including Guitar Scythes, Rocket Propelled Knives, Jet-Powered Flight Suits, and Ruff the Cyberdog, followed by descriptions of all the internal areas of Arena 66, plus outside places like Arena 69 (giggity), the Church of Gas, Death Row, the Irradiated Wastes, and beyond. Then we get a bunch of adversaries (Cannibal Mutants, Company Men, Deth [sic] Bots, Gas Hunters, Posers, Sellouts, Zombie Pop Fans, etc.). Sadly there’s no adventure included.
So right off the bat, this game world is miles better. If you told me this was the plot of a backup feature in 2000 AD, I wouldn’t question it. The writing has a middling dose of punk attitude, but it’s not insanely annoying. Typefaces are readable, the writing isn’t constantly punching you in the face, and the world is silly but in a far less grating way. It’s a relief.
It’s not perfect, though. For one thing, the game tries too hard to convince us how totally hardcore it is. The author often breaks in to say “now THAT’s fucking METAL” like he’s not entirely sure of it himself. It doesn’t happen all the time, so it’s not as salt-in-your-eyes irritating as DnDizzle got, but it’s a stone drag when it shows up.
Portability: Same size and caveats as DnDizzle. B.
Legibility: Yes. 12-point-ish sans serif for body text, a Gothic-wannabe font for chapter headers, and a thin handwriting font for subheads. Every word is legible. That’s metal as fuck. A.
Completeness: This has lots more world-building than DnDizzle, but at the expense of an intro adventure. That tips this one slightly to the negative. Still a full-fledged game though. A-.
Final thoughts: I’m sure you’ve picked up that I like this one more than its older brother, even though it has the same author. I’m guessing he got some feedback on the first game and actually took it to heart. It’s nice seeing people improve.
There’s also more variety in this one. Laser Metal isn’t just about stretching the One Joke until it disintegrates, it has a living, varied, colorful, semi-cohesive setting. It’s certainly very trope-y, but there are flashes of cleverness in how they fit together. It’s not just random metal gags thrown in a bag and shaken. These random metal gags have been meticulously curated, damn it.
Of these three parody games, I think this one works the best. (Oh, spoilers for the next review, I guess.)
Next time: Big ass, small butts