Screw SEO

Yeah, I said it. SEO can kiss my grits.

For those out of the know, SEO stands for “Search Engine Optimization.” It’s essentially a way to monetize the Web by making sure your site is laser-targeted for an audience. So when people search Google for, for instance, “camel fucking” it takes them straight to your camel fucking blog. Then you can turn around and sell ads for camel fucking products which are targeted to camel fucking enthusiasts who are drawn to your site about camel fucking.

SEO has become a big business these days, mostly because it’s essentially easy money. Just make sure you follow the rules, write about the right topics, and once page views start pouring in, sell ads. It’s about the only way to make money off the Web, really, besides porn. And some of us just don’t have the body for that. Oh lordy lord above we really, really, really don’t. I feel a bit ill just thinking about it.

And so the Web has become heavily monetized by people who are trying to make a living off of a free medium. I guess that’s okay, but SEO has the potential to suck all the soul out of the Web. After a while people don’t produce a camel fucking blog because they particularly like camel fucking; they do it because camel fucking is an under-represented niche and YAY they’ve found their cash cow (or camel, as the predictable joke may be). Eventually you get huge networks of blogs that churn out sites with names like “” and constantly compete with one another to claw up that one last slot on Google that’ll get them on the front page.

Ohh, yes, the Google front page. The Big Time. Apparently people who visit Google have the attention span of a peanut (widely regarded the most ADHD of the legume family) who skim the first page of every search and then go OOO SOMETHING SHINY and forget what they’re doing, where they are, who they’re married to, that they’re bipedal endotherms, etc. You gotta GRAB ‘em, which means you gotta be in the Top Ten for your Search Terms or you’re nothing! NOTHING! You WORM!

Yeah, well, bite me (on the side opposite where I invited Apple to bite me earlier). Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I liked it better back when the Web was populated by enthusiasts rather than opportunists. I admit it’s nice to make money, but it’s worlds better for the human soul, I think, if you just do what you enjoy and let people find you organically. If you maybe a few bucks, that’s great, but any money you lose for being casual about your site is made up for by not killing yourself to raise your Google rank.

You’ve probably noticed that I don’t advertise here. I might, one of these days, but I won’t bother to optimize my whozis to get page views. If you find me, good. If you don’t, lick me. It works either way. See?

(P.S. Hello to all you camel fuckers who came to my site because all the repetition of the term pushed it up in Google’s standings. This site isn’t really about illicit sex with hot juicy underage camels. Sorry. Didn’t mean to mislead you dromedophiliacs. You can go away now. Thanks for the boost to my PageRank, though!)

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