Sporks!


Spork Adventures © 1998 Christopher Casey

What exactly are we talking about here?

Sporks are small, pointy-eared, blond-haired, purple-skinned, three-fingered things who live in half-rotten toadstools and have a more than passing resemblance to similar cartoon creatures with names that also start with “S”. This resemblance is totally, completely coincidental. (Shrug, innocent look.)

Sporks practice total equality and live in a sort of benevolent anarchy. Oh, wait, wrong notes. Umm … oh yes. Sporks live in unmitigated squalor and are governed by the despotic whims of their “leader” Big Daddy (who should pay royalties to Sidney Greenstreet’s estate, if you get my drift). There’s no government to speak of, and Sporks can do whatever they want.

There are no familial relations between Sporks, with the exception of Griselda, Big Daddy’s spoiled rich daughter. Spork reproduction is a complete mystery (and thank heaven for small favors … as female Sporks are wont to say).

Spork communities are small and far-flung, and one cannot tromp far through the Woods What Are Magic without crushing a dozen pastoral Spork villages. The greatest concentration of Sporks may be found in Sporkopolis, which makes Gotham City look like Disneyland. A close second in size is Sporkton, a more “traditional” village complete with toadstools, winding dirt paths, and beady-eyed Sporks who play banjos and squeal like pigs.

Some Famous Sporks Speak Out

“This … is the city. Some people call it the place where dreams are bought and sold, or can at least be rented by the hour. Others call it the City of Broken Hearts, the Wrong Side of the Tracks, the Valley of the Dolls, the Home of the Corn Chip …”
–Sham Shpork, Private Eye

“Mrs. Sporkbaum wuz my first-grade teacher. I hate when people kidnap my first-grade teacher. Dat pisses me off.” BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA
–Sporkbo

“Whanne in Aprille with hes tankards soote
Fallen upon a drunken Sporkes foote
And bathed hes toes with swich liquor
That madde drunk hes whole gendour …”
–Poesy Spork

“Victim Spork … whose life is but a dream … a dream about to become a nightmare … a nightmare in … The Twilight Zone.”
–Rod Sperling

“Can’t we all just get along?” (followed by sound of The Brick hitting someone in the head)
–Rodney Sping

“AAGH! I … I’ve seen the force which controls our actions, which created us, upon which our very continued existence depends … and … and … it’s a CARTOONIST!”
–Cosmic Spork

For those who haven’t figured it out yet … The Sporks are a comic strip of my own devising. Scary, huh? Naturally, they and everything on this page are Copyright 1998 by Christopher Casey, so no nasty running around and stealing ideas, okay? Thanks ever so. And always remember … We will give you pause.


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