Merry freakin’ Christmas

Hey guys, what’s new these days? I’m just being my usual huggable self, living life chained to a mortgage and car payments. I don’t have much of a retirement plan, which is starting to weigh heavily on my mind especially since my beautiful wife will get to retire in a few years with a teacher’s pension. We don’t have kids, which means we won’t even be able to leech off them in our dotage. I’m already looking ahead to having to work for the rest of my natural life, then donating my organs to science to afford a funeral. Luckily I wouldn’t need much of a coffin.

So what kind of impact will I leave on this world? Hmm, good question. I’m a web developer, which is the most impermanent job in the Universe. Kids, if you want a high-paying career in web design or development, bear in mind that your best work, your magnum opus, will only be seen in public for two or three years before your corporate patron tosses it out, either for something trendier or for something cheaper. As mentioned we have no children, but I was the “cool uncle” back in the day and maybe some people will remember that. Occasionally I feel like I’m just delaying my wife from having the life she really wants, but I hesitate to call that “impactful” so much as “annoying the woman I love.” I am a pretty big influence on my dog, though, so there’s … um … that.

But I write! Yes! I’ve written two full books so far in my life! Surely by creating literature I am adding to the eternal dialogue about the human condition! One of my books is a sci-fi action adventure and the other one is sort of a … vampire book. Um. Huh. Not really where you’d turn to find true wisdom or change your life or anything. I think I was ruined by Star Wars; I’d rather write jumpin’-around pew-pew adventures than heavy literature. Although admittedly the first novel explores a heavy vein of nationalism versus loyalty and the second one is pretty cynical about human nature. The second one also has an undead guy who manages to hammer a 15-foot pikestaff all the way through his body, if you’re into that.

But what am I getting all maudlin for? I’m only 43! I still have decades of life stretching out in front of me to do great things! Never mind that my father died at the ripe old age of … 44. At which point in his life he had a reasonably successful construction company and three beautiful children (plus me, aged 18 months and therefore covered with jam, mud, or both most of the time). Death and I are old acquaintances, as it has come to visit every few years over the course of my life. The main thing I’ve learned is that it doesn’t wait for you to do everything you want to do.

Aaahhhhh. This whole “woe is me” thing may just be midlife crisis. I’m not gonna toss over my wife for a new model, and I’ve already got the sleek red car taken care of, so I guess my only outlets now are fear of the future and Christmas cookies.

Merry Christmas, everybody. God bless us, every one. I mean that. Hug the people who mean things to you and make sure they know that you love them. Do what you want to do before you can’t anymore. It would be terrible if you had something you wanted to say or do or be and never got around to it.

Thanks for reading. Now make what I just wrote worthwhile.

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